Hey,

It's been a long time since I've used this blog. Well since then I've moved and started a new school. For about the first month the adjustment has been kind of hard. I've encountered a hell of a lot of homophobic/racist/IDIOTS so far. However I've also met some really nice people too.

There's one thing I don't understand: Why do people have to be so judgemental? I mean, who the hell cares if someone is gay or a lesbian? Why does it matter? It doesn't change who they are as a person.  Some of the greatest people I've ever met have been homosexuals. I believe that everyone is entitled to his or her own beliefs, but NO ONE has the right to impose his or her own beliefs on other people.  If heterosexual couples can walk down a school hallway(or anywhere else for that matter) holding hands and/or sharing a kiss, then there is no reason why a homosexual couople cannot do the same.  If a person can walk into school wearing a shirt saying "American Pride", which the administrations DEFINITELY allow, why can't someone (homosexual or heterosexual) walk into school wearing a shirt saying "Gay Pride" or "Lesbian Pride".  There are quite a few people who would argue with me saying that the two are unrelated, but in actuality...they ARE the same.

To whom it may concern:

    lol...that sounds so stupid. Flea, don't worry I'm alive and I will be back online again soon. I've been busy over the last few months and haven't really taken the time to update anything. I promise I'll post something soon. Well ttyl, Bye. :)

Lately it seems like I have been hearing a lot about rape, whether its in magazines, movies, or regular television. My friend who will remain nameless was raped at the young age of six years old. She is only two years younger than me. When she finally had the courage to tell me about what happened to her I was shocked to say the least. So many different emotions were going through me, anger being one of them, towards the s.o.b that hurt and violated my friend. I thought to myself, how could this happen to her, it could have just as easily happened to me...to anyone. How could anyone commit such a disgusting and perverted crime, how could anyone bring that type of pain to such an innocent person...how could this happen...how?!?!?! I didn't understand...I wished so much that it hadn't happened to her but I knew that it did happen...to her and hundreds...thousands of other children and women out there.

When I was ten years old, I started hearing a lot about rape for the first time in my life. I couldn't believe that anyone would be so cruel. I saw on the tv one night that a little girl was raped by her mom's boyfriend! I became terrified of men. I actually started to have a breakdown...every single man I saw turned into a suspect, I was terrified to trust any of them. Deep down I knew I could trust my family members, but at the time the fear that I could be raped was blocking everything out in my life. The only people that knew about this little breakdown of mine were my mom and dad. They really helped me throught it. I am so thankful that I have such great people in my family that I know I can trust and that will protect me. Now everytime I hear about a girl getting raped I get that feeling again...like I'm falling...I'm going to breakdown...but I don't let it go that far...not again. Most of my friends don't think I'm afraid of anything...but this is the one thing that I truely fear...getting raped...or a friend of mine getting raped.

After experiencing that breakdown I had...I can only imagine the actual horror that girls that have been raped live in. I honor those women for surviving and those that didn't, and I hope all of them get through it. No one deserves to be victim of rape, and I personaly feel that rapists should be fried instead of that stupid 55 year sentence bullcrap!

My friend never told anyone about what happened to her until me...she should have told someone. If you said "no" then it is definitely rape no matter how you were acting before, and all men know that. And if you are raped tell someone you trust, and the police, always remember that it was never your fault.

Wow it seems like I am getting in contact with all of my old friends from before I moved. Its so awesome to talk to them all again! Its amazing when you think you will never here from a person again and then the next day you talking to them over the phone, computer, or a letter. Funny how that works. lol. I've heard from most of my really close friends, except for one. Lizzy. She and I had bee friends for eight years, and over one summer she moved to Virginia...and before she could contact me with her new number I had already move away as well. Her mom was supposed to marry this really nice guy named Alan. Lizzy's father had died a few years before. I truely hope that everything is going well for them all. I miss her very much and can only hope that we find each other again someday.

I'm really happy with all the new friends that I've made since I moved from MD. They are all really different from each other, thats what I like most about them. They all except me for who I am, and don't try to label me...well except for one. At one time my friend Sarah kept confronting me about the clothes and make up I wore, and friends I had. She said that because I wore Phat Farms, dark eyeshadow, listened to punk rock, and had friends that were prep, punk, and goth that I was trying to be one of them. I was like "what the hell!" Did she ever consider that maybe just maybe, I dress that way, have those friends, and listen to that music because thats part of who I AM and what and who I LIKE!?! I do what I want because thats what I wanna do. In my entire life I have never tried to be anyone else but who I am.

My advice to anyone who has been wrongly labeled is to ingore the lil freak who is calling you whatever, and ask them whe the hell they are focusing or your life instead of there own!

About a month ago I sent an e-mail to an old friend of mine that I hadn't talked to in a whole year. During that year I had moved out of state, and didn't tell her cuz I didn't think she cared about our friendship anymore. I was wrong, and everything turned out to be a huge misunderstanding. Well anyway, she wrote back and we decided to become pen pals. I was so happy bcuz I've known her since I was three years old, and I really never wanted to lose her friendship.

Today one of my old friends from where I used to live gave me the s/n of his ex-gf who also happened to be one of my other old friends from b4 I moved. I im'd her and we started talkin, and it turns out that our friendship was really easily renewed. I was really happy about that as well. I was great talkin to her again. She almost made it to the Junior Olympics! I was so happy for her even if she didn't make it all the way, that is still an amazing accomplishment! I told her that I was working on getting published and made a joke about sports not bein my strong point lol. She said, "hey thats cool i'll make millions in sports, and you'll make millions selling novels!" Not a bad idea at all if ya ask me! lol.

My mom talked to a friend of hers to see if I could submit articles to be published in her newspaper! I was so happy when I found out that she said she'd love to have me submit some of my work!!! Thant is sooo amazing! This is exactly the type of chance I've been praying for and I've finally got it!!!

About two weeks ago this guy that I really liked finally got the nerve to ask me out. I had been waiting for him to ask me out for so long...so I said yes. Ever since then I haven't really felt right about it. Kinda of like I don't feel the same about him any more. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't feel like I can be in a relationship with him that is beyond friendship. I don't know how to break up with him though. Something tells me that I shouldn't use the word friend, though. lol.

I'm in need of some decent advice...comment please!

lol. ok I'm making my own website through microsoft word and I was wondering if anyone knows how to put message boards up? I'm makin a page where people can talk freely about there problems or whatever, without telling people who they really are, and talk about other stuff to.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE MESSAGE BOARDS ON YOUR WEBSITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! thanks lol.

I'm so tired of doing nothing. I love to write, and I want so badly to be published. I can imagine that feeling of recieving a hardback copy of my own book in the mail. But...everytime I sit down at my computer to write I get really into what I'm doing but then something happens...I can't get any peace and quiet to just...write. There is always some kind of interuption, and once I get pulled out of what I'm writing it takes me an hour just to get back into my previous mindset! I just wish I had a place to go where no one would bother me when I want to write, so I can truly focus on what I want to accomplish. I BARELY wrote 150 words today!!! I feel like time is just passing me by...and I'll be 48 before my first book is published! I know that my work is good enough to be published now its just that I can't find the time to actually be able to finish it. My parents are always walkin in the room, or the phone rings, or my friends come over...and I don't want to miss out on time with any of them so I always decide to go out. When I finally find the time to write its night time and I am to tired to keep writing for a long enough period of time. Maybe over my Fall break I'll be able to focus better. Who knows...bye.

I can't stand it when people try to tell me who and what I am. I have a large variety of friends, including punks, goths, preps, and the normal everyday people. I agree with those that say labels are wrong...but hey... they are still there so I just deal with them. Having a large variety of tastes and friends doesn't make you a poser. I mean a person is entitled to like what they want and hang out with who ever they want. Just because you wear certain clothes or listen to a certain type of music doesn't make you a certain category of a person...or a poser. Did any one ever take the time to consider that maybe it makes you an individual to have so many different tastes? Well to all those who think they know me here is a little clue...I am ME...not a punk, prep, or goth...I am just ME...and to those who disagree...why don't you stop judging me and take a nice long look at who you are. I'm happy with who I am, so if you have a problem with that...GET OVER IT!!!

I like two guys right now. One of them is really sweet, and always knows the right thing to say in order to make me smile...he's perfect...everything a girl would want, but I'm starting to think he isn't what I want. Then there is the other guy...he seems nice enough but I never really talk to him at all...he's different from the other guy, but in a good way...I honestly don't know if he likes me or not...I doubt that he does. He has heard from other people that I might like him but...he hasn't heard it from me. I considered telling him how I feel...but once I really thought about it, I wasn't so sure as I was before. I don't know what I should do...play it safe with guy #1 or possibly sorry with guy #2? If anyone has some decent advice please let me know. I'm so confused.

Hey! I started high school on the 2nd of August. I really like my teachers, they are pretty nice. I get to see almost all of my friends every day. I decided to take all Honors classes and NJROTC as an ellective. NJROTC is really cool and I'm thinking about joining the rifle team or the armed drill team. My friends think I'm insane for taking all Honors classes but I've always been really good at school. It doesn't bother me. My best friend Samantha is in NJROTC too. She isn't to happy that we have to do so many push ups, and that she has to cut her finger nails shorter. lol. She better not drop out, because she promised that she wouldn't leave me in there all alone. The only class that I don't really like is Geometry Honors because I don't like math, plus I only know 3 people in that class who are all guys! Two of them were in the 8th grade with me, and one of them is my neighbor. I'm not really friends with any of them. Well thats all for now. Laterz!!!